February 15, 2008

•                             "First Fight with a Girl"

  My V-day was a repeat of what happened on the 13th (as recorded in my previous entry).  Only this time I spent a lot more money.

  Seeing two different girls, especially within a few minutes of each other, is VERY draining.  But I think I will be able to stop seeing one of them as she is seriously proving to be very high-maintenance.

  I just talked to her and upset her.

  "Look," I said on my phone, "last night, when I said I didn't want you to touch my face (she has this habit of rubbing and stroking my face while I sleep) THREE different times, you never listened.  So I finally had to tell you to stop again, and all you could say was, 'Hwa-ga-nah-suh?' ('Are you angry?') over and over again.  I mean, rather than worry about how tired I was (she knows I'm really stressed and tired these days), you only worried about your hurt feelings."

  She was silent for a long time.  Then she spoke and said, "But, you could have said it more nicely."

  "I told you three or four different times not to stroke my face while I slept!  But you didn't listen.  So when you did it again and woke me up again, what did you EXPECT me to say?  Did you expect me to be pleasant???  And after waking me up again and me telling you not to be touching my face while I slept, all you could say was 'Hwa-ga-nah-suh?' 'Hwa-ga-nah-suh?'  I know your feelings are important, too, but you KNOW I haven't been getting much sleep with all the stess at work."

  She was silent.

  "I mean, is that all you cared about?" I continued.  "You say you were worried about me this morning because I looked so tired...but it was you who kept waking me up in the night by stroking my face even though I told you not to do it....and when I finally had to speak louder for you not to touch me on the face while I was asleep, you kept me up even longer just to ask me over and over if I was angry because of the way I spoke."

  She was silent still and then she finally spoke up: "So you are angry now?"

  "No, not angry," I said softly.  "Just disappointed.  You were more worried about your hurt feelings than you were about me and my health (which has been getting steadily worse) and what's going on at my work."

  "No, no...it's not that..." she tried to say.  Then almost breaking into tears, she said, "Ever since we met, I didn't have much confidence in our relationship.  I don't feel strongly that it would last.  But I liked you......"  Keep in mind, she had had two engagements prior to meeting me.

  "Hey, I have to get back to work," I said, trying to be softer.  "My boss is waiting."

  The phone went dead.

  I called back right away.  "Why did you just hang up?"

  She was quiet for a minute.  Then she said in Korean, "I feel awful now!"  And then she sobbed.

  I mumbled an apology.  But then I told her I did have to go and promised I would call her later. So we said good-bye and hung up.

  I'm still pretty freakin' angry right now about being woken up constantly last night with all the stroking of my face....and that the girl was just upset by the fact that I was getting irritable and NOT by the fact that I feel like absolute sh*t because I didn't get much sleep last night BECAUSE SHE KEPT WAKING MY *SS UP.  But I also feel bad for the girl.

  Perhaps it's time to call it quits with this one.  I don't think I can handle much more of this.

  • 10:59 am
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