March 5, 2008
-
"At What Point Are You Allowed to See Other People?"
First of all, let me say that yes, you could be dating a slut who believes in an open relationship, in which case anything goes and you can bang someone else all you want.
But assume you are in a relationship with someone of high morals and a strong sense of commitment who believes in dating only one person. At what point in your relationship with that person are you still allowed to "see" other people? Let's look at the various levels:
Level 10: You are married to her. Basically you'd be cheating on your wife. Is it okay to see another girl?
Level 9: You are lovers with her. Basically you're banging her while not married to her. Is it okay to see another girl?
Level 8: You are dating her but haven't slept with her but are in a committed relationship with her, which entails a lot of kissing....but no banging. Is it okay to see another girl?
Level 7: You have gone out with her for a few dinner dates. And things must have gone okay (even though there was no physical contact) because you met her more than once. Is it okay to see another girl?
Level 6: You have gone out with her for ONE dinner date. And things seem okay even though you (and she) have your guard up. Is it okay to see another girl?
Level 5: You and the girl know you like her and that she likes you....but you haven't gone out yet. Is it okay to see another girl?
Level 4: You like the girl but you DON'T know if she likes you. Is it okay to see another girl?
Level 3. You like the girl, but she says she just wants to be friends with you. Is it okay to see another girl? This would seem simple enough, but what I have learned is that if you quickly move onto another girl, the original girl (if she's a conservative Korean-American church-goer) usually gets upset. Don't ask me why.
Level 2. You're not dating her at all, but a common friend (usually female) says to you, "What do you think of her?" That usually means the girl got her friend to ask you. Is it okay to see another girl?
Level 1. The two of you locked eyes and felt that special something. But that's it. Is it okay to see another girl?
Okay, is a guy in any of these situations allowed to see other girls? And if so, where do you draw the line? At what level? I personally draw the line at somewhere between Levels 7 and 8.
Comments (21)
I agree with you...between levels 7 and 8, depending on where you want the relationship to go. If you only want to do her then it's fine to see another girl. If you want to be in a commited relationship, then I'd advise against it although it's not technically wrong since you're not in a commited relationship.
Your level 3 is totally crazy...makes me happy I'm not Korean.
1-7, yes..i think it's ok. 8...if you're dating her, and you guys are committed, i don't see it as being ok. it shouldn't be committed in the first place then. same goes for 9. and 10. it's a major NO NO NO NO NO!!! why get married in the first place if you're gonna end up cheating on ur spouse? that is a major no no.
simple... if you like a girl and would like her to be your girl... don't date other girls. usually, the first date will tell it all. and if not, eh.. maybe she wasn't all that. but honestly, let the girl know. tell her from the beginning how you feel and if you still want to continue seeing other girls. first dates are usually hard to tell, but i'm guessing if she caught enough of your interest for you to ask her out... then maybe you like her a little more than you think. and then after the first date.. you should def know more. but same rules should apply for both men and women.. if you want to see other people and plan on it... communicate that w/your person of interest. and if it just isn't working out... again.. communicate. really, it'll eliminate all the guess working. but i don't believe in "levels"
Once the two of you have established that you guys are "exclusively" dating each other, that's when seeing other people needs to stop.
Princess_Lovely78, the joke, in all its aspects just was too unrealistic.
PrincessLovely78, no, she has never done this in the past before (she's a virgin, for pete's sake and has always been upfront). If anything, she has insight....because I used to play a LOT in my life.
@BFK - i wasn't insinuating that she was.... i was just sayin it could've been a possibility. but now that you've stated your facts... she's def just insecure (can you blame her)?? happens when they're 1. young OR 2. inexperienced. and now she's w/a guy who use to "play" a lot in his life... anyway, i know the joke was unrealistic... but you're missing the funny point of it!!!
Level 1-6. I suppose you're on level 8? Haha. You're already thinking of seeing someone else??
Hm. Just cus a woman's in an open relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean she's a slut.
hm.. what do you mean 'see' other people? as long as the other person is not nake, i don't see why any level is an issue.
level 7 morally but sometimes i'd have to do a level 9.
i agree. i'd say after 7 is a boo-boo.
level 7 at top. if i was in at a level 8 with some guy and the guy was seeing other girls on the side, id leave.
depends, really. in general, i'd say level 6-7 if you guys are moderate people - not too liberal, not too conservative. but of course, it's all on a case-by-case basis. in the end, this is what i think: 1.) think of the girl and how she lives her life, how she thinks, etc. if she's conservative and you KNOW she's a "committer" from the beginning, then you should act accordingly if you like her that much, and 2.) do unto others blah blah blah. put yourself in her position. if you like her a LOT and you want a relationship with her, how would you feel if you suddenly found out she was dating other guys? going out to dinner with other guys, maybe holding hands with them, smiling and flirting with them, getting flirtatious text msgs from them, telling you that she has to see you next week cuz she has a date with another guy this week (i.e. you're not that special), her hugging onto their arms and giving them cute looks, sharing her special conversations with them, maybe even kissing them...or more. would you be all right with that? because if you are, then you're not as into her as she is into you...and you might have to think about that.
p.s. i'm a fairly one-guy girl. if i found out the guy i was dating was seeing other girls, i'd emotionally draw back because automatically, i'd think "ohhh...so i'm not the only one, so maybe i shouldn't invest so much." i'd then eventually drop him because suddenly he's not that special to me anymore, and i'm obviously not that special to him. i'd kinda feel like i'm at ikea, waiting for pick-up furniture. just a number amongst a long line of furniture picker-uppers. sorry it's so sensitive, but it's true.
glad to be of service.
The levels are basically flawed. You have 7 levels before 8 when in actually your level 8 should be a 2 or 3 and then with 7, 8 more levels. Think about it, reflect, and agree...
i say level 8 is officially where i would stop banging other girls.
OR
if shes the one, and u know it.. i wouldnt from level 5. Thats when atleast u know u like each other.
as u know, things can change at an instant.. and u always have back ups ready for the quick recovery. =)
Good luck!
@xXmashimaretteXx - no, shes not, but shes just not committed. .. but theres a high possibility that shes a slut! hahaha =P
ryc: nobody! i always fly solo.
7
hello-how are you? call me naive or "innocent" but i'd say level 4 bc if i liked someone and knew they liked me but he went out with someone else, he would have just shot any chance with me
but then again, i suppose it depends because you could have gone out without really liking the person, though i personally don't really date casually *shruG*
how's life? seems....busy......
you should really settle down haha. are you doing ibd?
Comments are closed.