"'You've Gained Some Weight!':  The Bluntness of Korean-Americans"

I tend to be on the thin side....but as I get older, unless I run 4 miles a day, I can get bigger in the middle.  And I got reminded of this last night.

I was with my friend, this married dude my age who runs marathons.  I am aging better than him, but he's taller and more fit.....especially since I haven't been able to run for the past couple of weeks due to a leg injury.

Anyway, when we met, he took one look at me and said, "Man.  You've gained a little weight there."

Now even though I am a sensitive guy, I don't get offended by comments like this in the least.  If anything, I APPRECIATE such blunt feedback.  It tells me I need to hit the stationery bike a lot harder after I lift weights and that I need to lay off the beer.  If I did NOT hear such feedback, I would have assumed the world was hunky-dory and that I was my usual fit self because we often tend not to look at ourselves with an objective eye; some view themselves more negatively than the public does while others think they're as hot as Brad Pitt or Paris Hilton if their friends and family don't point out that they need to hit the gym more.

That is why I LIKE hanging with Koreans and Korean-Americans.  Whether I've gained weight or lost it, it is one of the first comments you'll hear from them after you greet each other. "Ssal-ee jju-suh" ("You've gained weight") or "Ssal-ee bba-juh-suh" ("You've lost weight").  I LOVE this aspect of Korean culture....because how else will you know how you look the public?  If you're tired of asking people how you look or if you look fat in some particular outfit (addressed to the girls)....hang out with Korean-Americans - they'll tell you if you're getting fat as a hog....and not in malicious way.

Now take my Caucasian friends.  I got some at work, particularly ladies, who are seriously gaining weight.  I see it when I compare their faces now with how their work ID pictures, taken two years prior to now, look.  But I don't dare say anything because I know that they don't want to hear it.  So I have kept quiet over the years.....and their waistlines slowly starts to balloon.  And an unhappy cycle is underway where they gain weight as they age (and are unhappy about it but somehow put it out of their minds for the most part), I have to bit my tongue and remind myself that they are not Korean, and thus they feel no extra motivation to lose the extra poundage since no one is pointing out to them that their body is metamorphasizing.

I think it comes down to culture, even in this generation.  Female Caucasian Americans, at least the ones I know, have no problems joking about sex and their own experiences with doing the nasty.....but get them on the topic of how they've gained weight or if they've gone to the bathroom and taken a dump or whatever and they look at you like you're uncouth.  Weird, huh?  The activities of their vagina and whose cock has been it is okay to talk and laugh about (hence the whole "Sex & the City" mentality)......but the activities of their neighboring rectum as it relates to digestion and defacation as well as their slowing metabolism resulting in weight gain is taboo to discuss.

Now take Korean girls........

They have NO problems mentioning if you've gained weight, and they don't seem to mind if you say it back to them.  They have NO problems telling you how many times they went to the bathroom to do the #2 (i.e., "launch a missile", "pinch a loaf", "take a dump", "take a sh*t", "read the newspaper", etc.).  But any activities related to the anus's neighboring vagina, as it relates to a guy doing his business inside of one, is off limits unless the girl REALLY knows you.  I think it's because, to a Korean girl, the activities of gaining weight and defacation are not at all a reflection of moral character while humping like a rabbit with some dude COULD be.  So no discussing of sex please!  Play it safe and talk about weight gain (or loss) and if yesterday's dinner came out in the toilet.

And time for me to hit the gym later today!

Picture an old, grizzled Obi-Wan Kenobi, too old to fight and kick ass like he used to do, teaching Luke Skywalker how to fight with a lightsaber.  Or imagine an out-of-shape Mark Spitz (7-time gold medal winner in swimming at the 1972 Olympics) schooling Michael Phelps on how to swim.  Or watch an aging, flabby Michael Jordan playing a game of one-on-one with Kobe Bryant.....and dunking on his ass time and time again to show who the true master of the game is..........

There was Obi-Wan Kenobi, there was Mark Spitz, there was Michael Jordan......and there was BFK.

I have kind of neglected my Xanga blog for a variety of personal reasons...and because I've been on Facebook so much.  But tonight, on a whim, I leave you with the following entry for all you horny guys out there:        

     "For One Night Only...BFK Shows How It's Done"

So tonight, out of boredom, I went to a local bookstore (one of the major chains).  I knew what kind of book I wanted, so I wandered around the store one time before getting ready to go to the section where the book was.

But then as I passed by the beverage area, thinking of getting an iced tea, I saw this one girl sitting at a table by herself.   Pretty, young, and studying a book, obviously for a standardized exam.  And she looked Korean.  Likely a college student.  Or, God help me, possibly younger, in which case I would stay away from her like she had the plague.  Near her was a white guy sitting at a table alone reading, and at another table was this Chinese girl sitting by herself also reading. 

I went and bought my drink.  Then as I passed by her table, just to be safe, I said, "So, are you studying for your S.A.T.s?"

The girl looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Oh no.  I'm studying for the [a certain graduate school entrance exam that I will not identify for fear that some of you will figure out who this girl is]." 

"Oh!" I said.  "Well that brings back memories of when I took the GMAT for MBA school."

"Oh really?" she said.  "Well, I can't wait for all this to end."

"Ah, you're a college student."

"Yeah, I'm gonna graduate in December."

"Oh nice!" I said.  "Well, with your field you'll have your fair share of jobs when you graduate."

"Yeah," she said, still smiling.  "That's what I hear.  At least there's some reward for all this stress. Haha."

There was a pause as I looked at the chair across from her.

"Are you waiting on someone?" I asked.

"Well.....my boyfriend said he was going to come here between 10:30 and 11:00 because he's running late with work." She looked kind of a mix of sad, disappointed, and bored as she said this. 

We then spoke of various topics.  After a few minutes, I decided I wanted to sit.

"Um....can I sit for a moment?"

"Yeah, sure!" she said smiling again.  So the old man sat down.

We talked about her schooling and her job prospects.  "I knew quite a few people who were in your field," I said.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah.  Some couldn't handle it, so they quit."

"Yeah, I almost quit myself."

"Well, it's the difficult majors that have the guaranteed jobs at the end," I said smiling.

"Yeah," she said smiling back, "so I've heard."

I glanced at my watch.....hoping that I could make a getaway before her boyfriend showed up.  Plus, I didn't know why I was doing this.  I have long been out of the game.  What was I trying to prove by this....that I could still do it??

I told her my name.  She told me her name.  So I said in Korean, "Ah! You're a Korean!"

"Yes!" she answered in Korean back happily.  Then we spoke for a while in Korean and talked about places we knew in common in Korea.  She asked me what I did in Korea, and I answered (without getting into graphic detail).  Turns out she was kind of a half-FOB, or what is sometimes referred to as a 1.5 generation Korean-American.  Speaking Korean was more comfortable for her than using English.

I usually like to ask the questions when talking to a female stranger....but this girl did most of the asking....like what book I was seeking, what I did for a living and did I like MBA school...and did I live around here....did I live alone.....

We talked about the benefits of living alone.  She herself said she did not want to live alone...and I said that that was a natural for a young Korean girl like herself.

I took a better look at her.  Really pretty girl.  REALLY cute.  Nice smile with perfect teeth....except for maybe one tooth in the back, but that one didn't stand out.  And still not jaded or faded as is often the case with Korean-American girls when they hit their late 20s.  No, this girl was a fresh, young 22 year-old girl with her whole life in front of her.....who now was dealing with the stress of her upcoming exam.....and apparently her disappointment in her boyfriend......

I kept glancing at my watch wondering if the guy was gonna show up and clock me on the back of head.  It was 10:15 now, and we had talked for about fifteen minutes.  I was getting kind of nervous, so I said, "I should get going and look for that book" - she nodded her head, still smiling, but I noticed the smile had melted a little as if she wanted the conversation to continue - "but let me know how it goes, okay?"

"Okay!" she said.  Her smile returned.

"Do you have an email?"

"Um...yeah."  She went into her purse to get a pen.  I pulled one out of my own pocket.  I took a card out of my wallet.

"You're born in '85," I noted from her email address.

"Yes," she said smiling.  I was just glad she didn't ask what year I was born.

While she was writing her email address, I said in Korean, "Do you have a cell?"

"Yes." And immediately she wrote her phone number.

"Okay, I'll be in touch," I said with a smile.  I projected confidence, but what I was feeling inside was awkwardness.  Who the hell do I think I am, I wondered in my head.  And why am I playing this stupid game?  I'm too old to be doing this!  Hasn't my game ended a long time ago?  No, this is for old times sake, I responded back to my doubting self, just to see if I can still do it.

She smiled back, waved, and said, "Okay.  Bye."

I wandered to the section of the bookstore to find the book I wanted to read.  I then called a friend on a whim.  I stepped outside of the bookstore while we talked.

Then I saw an Asian girl leaving the mall.....and thought it could have been the Korean college girl.  But I wasn't sure since she was so far away.  The girl waved at me as she used her back to push open the door....so I waved back while still on the phone.  It WAS the Korean college girl, and she was leaving the mall.....alone.

What a nice, sweet girl.  And I'm glad she met me now rather than a few years ago.....for her sake AND for my sake.  I smiled at the encounter.

What a nice girl.

I went back into the bookstore.  I found my book, sat in a chair and began reading.  Soon this one girl walked by and gave me brief eye contact.  I looked up and remembered her as the Chinese girl sitting at a table near the Korean girl.

I continued to read.  The time was 10:55, but the Chinese girl still had not left the store.

I got up from the chair, put up the book I had been reading, and then got ready to walk by the girl.  She looked to be about age 26.  I noticed she was pretty attractive.  So as I passed her, I said, "Studying for the GMAT, huh?"

She turned to me, smiled, and said, "Yes."

"Go with the Princeton Review."

"Really??"

"Yeah, use Princeton Review over Kaplan."

She showed me the book she had bought, which was a Kaplan book. 

"I heard that Kaplan was better than Princeton," she said.

"Well, I took the Kaplan course when I took the GMAT, but I wish I had done Princeton Review," I replied.

Then we went into a discussion of how the teaching styles for both programs were different and which one was better..

She thanked me for my input and then turned to say good-bye.  But she did not seem in a rush to leave.

I asked her if she worked fulltime. She said yes. 

Then I said to her, "If you have any questions, let me know."

"Okay," she replied.

"You got an email?" I asked.

"Um...sure."  She pulled out a blackberry and asked me for my email.

I had a pen and card ready.  She started to spell out her email address to me as if I was going to write it down (which is never a good idea), so I gave her the card and pen and told her to write it.  After she had written it, she handed the card to me.  I said, "Gimme your digits, too."  And she wrote down her cell phone number.

"Well, good luck with everything," I said.

"Thanks.  See ya."  And we went our separate ways. 

I had been at the bookstore less than an hour.

But what stood out to me more from this evening was my interaction with the young Korean girl.  I loved the cute way she waved at me as she left the mall by herself (because her boyfriend had never shown up).  It seemed like her smiling face was grateful that I had spoken with her and kept her company while she was all alone in the bookstore.  Perhaps there was interest on her part for me.  One thing that was certain was that we had both enjoyed our conversation with each other.

Her happy face could have been saying thank you to me for approaching her and keeping her company.

No, young lady, thank YOU. 

And for a brief moment, it felt like 1998 again.  But it was really 2008....and I was fine with that....because for one night only......BFK was back.  <Cue the music> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dN3tu1iW0M