August 27, 2008
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"'You've Gained Some Weight!': The Bluntness of Korean-Americans"
I tend to be on the thin side....but as I get older, unless I run 4 miles a day, I can get bigger in the middle. And I got reminded of this last night.
I was with my friend, this married dude my age who runs marathons. I am aging better than him, but he's taller and more fit.....especially since I haven't been able to run for the past couple of weeks due to a leg injury.
Anyway, when we met, he took one look at me and said, "Man. You've gained a little weight there."
Now even though I am a sensitive guy, I don't get offended by comments like this in the least. If anything, I APPRECIATE such blunt feedback. It tells me I need to hit the stationery bike a lot harder after I lift weights and that I need to lay off the beer. If I did NOT hear such feedback, I would have assumed the world was hunky-dory and that I was my usual fit self because we often tend not to look at ourselves with an objective eye; some view themselves more negatively than the public does while others think they're as hot as Brad Pitt or Paris Hilton if their friends and family don't point out that they need to hit the gym more.
That is why I LIKE hanging with Koreans and Korean-Americans. Whether I've gained weight or lost it, it is one of the first comments you'll hear from them after you greet each other. "Ssal-ee jju-suh" ("You've gained weight") or "Ssal-ee bba-juh-suh" ("You've lost weight"). I LOVE this aspect of Korean culture....because how else will you know how you look the public? If you're tired of asking people how you look or if you look fat in some particular outfit (addressed to the girls)....hang out with Korean-Americans - they'll tell you if you're getting fat as a hog....and not in malicious way.
Now take my Caucasian friends. I got some at work, particularly ladies, who are seriously gaining weight. I see it when I compare their faces now with how their work ID pictures, taken two years prior to now, look. But I don't dare say anything because I know that they don't want to hear it. So I have kept quiet over the years.....and their waistlines slowly starts to balloon. And an unhappy cycle is underway where they gain weight as they age (and are unhappy about it but somehow put it out of their minds for the most part), I have to bit my tongue and remind myself that they are not Korean, and thus they feel no extra motivation to lose the extra poundage since no one is pointing out to them that their body is metamorphasizing.
I think it comes down to culture, even in this generation. Female Caucasian Americans, at least the ones I know, have no problems joking about sex and their own experiences with doing the nasty.....but get them on the topic of how they've gained weight or if they've gone to the bathroom and taken a dump or whatever and they look at you like you're uncouth. Weird, huh? The activities of their vagina and whose cock has been it is okay to talk and laugh about (hence the whole "Sex & the City" mentality)......but the activities of their neighboring rectum as it relates to digestion and defacation as well as their slowing metabolism resulting in weight gain is taboo to discuss.
Now take Korean girls........
They have NO problems mentioning if you've gained weight, and they don't seem to mind if you say it back to them. They have NO problems telling you how many times they went to the bathroom to do the #2 (i.e., "launch a missile", "pinch a loaf", "take a dump", "take a sh*t", "read the newspaper", etc.). But any activities related to the anus's neighboring vagina, as it relates to a guy doing his business inside of one, is off limits unless the girl REALLY knows you. I think it's because, to a Korean girl, the activities of gaining weight and defacation are not at all a reflection of moral character while humping like a rabbit with some dude COULD be. So no discussing of sex please! Play it safe and talk about weight gain (or loss) and if yesterday's dinner came out in the toilet.
And time for me to hit the gym later today!
Comments (17)
long time no xanga~lol that is SO true. i dunno, it bothers me especially because i'm weight conscious 247, and soemtimes it gets to me. but sometimes, i'm just like...wow thanks for your honesty and allowing me to give myself a reality check. hahaha
Bluntness is a cultural trait in other asian cultures too, you know... not just among Koreans. And not all asians are automatically "hardened" to this type of criticism, it really depends on each individual. I have asian friends who are sensitive about their weight, so they do take it personal when their family members or friends critique their weight/appearance and I also know non-asians who appreciate blunt honesty about their appearance.
puhahahh funny BFK oppa !
hi oppa. that is so funny and so true. kekekeke
lol i tell my patients they've gained weight and that walking is free.
Whatttt??? That is one aspect of Asian culture I don't appreciate. I don't think weight becomes an issue unless you're dissatisfied with the way you look, or if the weight gain/loss is caused by something negative going on in your life.
Koreans sound way more polite than chinese people. My mom infamously said to my brother "look at you. you're fat". LOL.
hey! how's it going? i hope things have been well! just wanted to stop by and say "hi!" =)
nope--not on xanga anymore.
moved out to sf so not on the east anymore either.
i call it like i see it.. i tell my korean girl friends they are a fat ass when they need it..
my dad calls me "deh ji" to my face. and laughs. it puts a good perspective on things.
your perspective makes sense. in truth, it really DOESN'T make sense that sex is avidly talked about in great detail, when the very natural and all-inclusive human things like numero dos and passing gas are taboo subjects. why would you talk about one intimacy that indicates the level of your moral character and not about another intimacy that is purely physical and necessary for life?
well...perhaps because sex is no longer an issue of morality for many people. for many people, sex is just a physical need now, or an expression of "looooove". but sex isn't a rejected part of your body. it's a physical act you engage in to express your emotions, or to fulfill your "carnal" needs. however, poopie is waste. it's rejection. your body rejects the "bad" and "harmful" things. it's being secreted out of you in a very unflattering manner, with an unflattering odor attached to it. we talked about rejected waste from bodies in my literature class - it was relevant, i swear. one of the major themes of this whole "rejection" of waste and the grotesqueness (tied in with secret fascination) associated with it is that, as a society, we emotionally/mentally reject what is physically rejected. when something is clearly unwanted, like poopie, we subconsciously reject it not just by tossing it away, but by not talking about it, not thinking about it, not acknowledging its existence.
koreans, and others, may accept the poopie thing because they're saturated with rejection elsewhere. ya can only have so much steak, eh? in *general* (not individually, but in general), koreans are damn good at rejecting pretty much everything that doesn't conform to their herd. that mentality is slowly, slowly dying out as the western influence of individualism takes hold, but for the most part, it's still in full swing. you don't drink? screw you, you're out. you don't own a LV bag? screw you, you're out. you don't like super junior and young joc, but you like ("oMg, wTf") flight of the conchords and steppenwolf? screw you, you're out.
wait. i lost the thread of this discussion. oh yeah. only koreans tell me that i "gained weight". they tell me about diet methods, and that i would be "soooo" pretty if i weighed 95 lbs. a little extreme, but i do like the honesty. it keeps my fat arse in check.
BAT GUANO, THAT COMMENT WAS LONG!! sorry!
I was in NY
wassup bfk!!!
i'm running a half marathon next week on thanksgiving.
unfortunately the older we get....easier it is for us to gain weight.
i appreciate the feedback man!
i'm running full marathon in march.
i think i might come up to dc to run the cherry blossom.
i wonder where u are....
i wonder if u went and got married, and now ur on lockdown....
heheh
This stuff is down t earth, hats off buds out there.read more
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