Unless you're a Star Wars geek, you may not appreciate this analogy....but I think everyone can still understand what I am trying to say.  So on to today's esssay.

   "The Loner/Outsider Mentality That Many of Us Adopt"

Life in the real world is often as chaotic as the opening scene in the very first Star Wars movie (Episode IV, which came out in 1977), but ultimately it's about two opposing forces going at each other.  You're either with one or the other.

By the second movie, (Episode V, otherwise known as The Empire Strikes Back, which came out in 1980), we introduce a third force....the money-seeking BOUNTY HUNTERS.  Now, we had seen one bounty hunter in the original movie (before Han Solo shot and killed him).  But now, we get the full spectrum of bounty hunters because Darth Vader is offering a huge bounty on anyone who can locate the ship, the Millenium Falcon, and bring it to the clutches of the evil Empire.  Meanwhile, the gangster, Jabba the Hutt, still has a bounty out on anyone who can bring Han Solo, the captain of the Millenium Falcon, to him....dead or alive.

So then we are introduced to the ultimate bad-*ss bounty hunter.....Boba Fett.

Boba Fett is a lone traveller in his ship and serves no master, save himself.  He is not affiliated in any permanent way to the Rebellion (the good guys), the Empire (the bad guys), or Jabba the Hutt (the gangster).  He'll just go with whoever pays him the most for a bounty.  In the meanwhile, he looks out for only one person:  Himself.

Meanwhile, for you Spider-Man fans, there was this storyline comic that came out in 1987 called "Kraven's Last Stand" that took place in the comics, "WEB OF SPIDER-MAN #31 and #32, AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #293 and #294, and PETER PARKER THE SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN #131 and #132." 

In it, Kraven the Hunter, who is losing his mind out of frustration over losing to the web-slinger over the decades, finally pulls off the ultimate victory over Spider-Man.  To allow himself to feel the "rhythm" of the Spider, so to speak, he recites a poem to himself (paraphrasing Rudyard Kipling and replacing the word "tiger" with the word "spider"):

"Spyder, Spyder, burning bright,
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?"

The reason this poem stood out to me is because not only is this a bastardization of a great English poem...but also because I am hit by both the irony and humor of it; I mean, the original poem talked about a 600-plus pound tiger burning bright and being a frightful sight.  But now this comic book storyline is trying to say the same thing about a little ol' SPIDER???

Then again.....

In a forest (as in India) there a LOT of animals, be it lions and tigers and bears (oh my).  There are also plenty of other animals like rabbits, hawks, snakes, etc.  Well, one of those animals is the spider....and it has its own lair and presents its own dangers.

Where am I going with all this?  Like Boba Fett the bounty hunter or like the tiny, out-of-sight spider in the forest where the many large beasts roam, many of us (but not all) are loner individualists making our way in a world that resembles either a chaotic galaxy at war....or a forest full of dangerous predators.  Whichever your view of your world is, you (if you're like me) tend not to join either side...but just kind of watch from the sidelines as the evil Galactic Empire and the heroic Rebellion fight each other across the galaxy...or as the lion attacks the wild boar.  Every now and then you find yourself a player in the drama...but ultimately, you look out for only one person, yourself.

But make no mistake about it, no matter how much you may claim you look out only for yourself, you ARE a part of the world around you....just as Boba Fett is a part of the Galactic War in one form or another and just as the spider is a part of all the drama that occurs in forest, or jungle.  Invisible....but an important component of the world around them.

                  "BFK Advises a Naive Guy"

I am a wise, weather-beaten, life-beaten, often cynical, older man.  I can kind of get away with this when hanging with the younger crowds because of my younger-looking face and my long-distance running.  But make no mistake about it - I earned my experience and wisdom.

So what I cannot STAND is when I see naive kids (meaning those in their 20s) making the STUPIDEST of mistakes.  I hate it even more when I see people in their 30s doing it.

As some of my previous entries have shown, I have often advised younger girls who fall for the same repeated patterns (over the ages) of hooking up with a player....and then getting burned later.  Well today, I focus on the guys with certain tips gleaned from a conversation (if you want to call it that because it was actually a one-way monologue) that I shared with this one naive guy, but who is around my age, from my church last night.

# 1.  If you are fired from your job.....DON'T TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT!  And just blaming your boss for supposedly screwing you is sure to make many people to whom you are revealing this also question YOU and YOUR abilities.  Even if you are 100% not to blame for the firing....when you tell others, the immediate question on people's mind is, "What did you do wrong?"  I really don't think that a normal person wouldn't have seen this coming long before the bomb was dropped.  (And I found out from another person that there HAD been signs that this was coming.)

#2.  If more than one person has told you or implied to you (even in a joking manner) that you talk way too much and dominate a conversation....there's a very good chance that it's true.  If you notice that people tend to avoid you, this, along with the hints and jokes that people have made to you about talking too much, SHOULD tell you that your current way of behaving is NOT going to win you friends that want to hang around you.

#3.  And if you've never really dated a girl in your ENTIRE LIFE (and let's say you're around BFK's age)...then it's not likely that you're gonna find that special girl anytime soon unless you make certain changes in your personal approach.  Your naivete in #1 about how you didn't see an impending firing by your boss and your naivete in #2 about how you don't know that you turn people off by talking too much likely indicates that this is part of a pattern that you are OBLIVIOUS to many aspects of the real world.  And if you're oblivious to things like THAT....no WONDER you're oblivious to how to play the damn dating game. 

And sure, you may be happy with yourself the way you are now.....but obviously you are not happy with the results (getting fired because you ignored the previous warning signs from your boss, having fellow guys avoiding you because you talk too much, and not being able to find a girl because you probably bored the sh*t out of them).

Man, I wish I had said this all to him last night.  But it was supposedly a men's sharing time among three of us church guys (even though he did 99% of the talking), so I merely listened and offered support.  After all, I HAD advised him in the past about his talking too much in a group, which he apparently either ignored or forgot, so what good would it have been to advise him on the other stuff? 

           "Girls and Male Athletes"

Maybe I've watched too many macho movies like Top Gun (with Tom Cruise) and Colors (with Sean Penn) and too many Korean TV dramas like Maji-Mak Seung-Bu (with Jang Dong-Gun supposedly playing basketball)....but today, I want to talk about the athlete.

Recently we had an athletic competition at our church, and I was asked to join by some much younger friends.  Now, I suck at almost all sports, be it football, basketball, skiing, golf, tennis, etc.  But there are a rare few physical activities at which the BFK excels relative to your normal person:  Drinking gargantuan amounts of alcohol, smoking cigars, b*nging a girl mutiple times like a rabbit on LSD,.........and long-distance running. 

Well guess what the athletic activity was?

A 10-mile race. 

You might as well have told me it was a soju-drinking contest, or a cigar-smoking contest, or a steak-eating contest, or TVLand-watching contest, or a who-can-bang-Pamela Anderson-the-most contest. 

So after months of training with a group of people at our church (because we were officially competing with another team at the church), we ran the race.  And yes, I did my usual business in the run and ran around an 8.25 minute mile pace throughout the whole race.  Yes, I beat everyone at my church....except one much older guy on the other team (irony or ironies).

But the strange thing was....the reaction by some of those of the opposite gender.

It was like suddenly they knew I existed.  Girls who had never even looked my way or refused to acknowledge that I occupied the space that I did on this earth....were greeting me with a smile and a wave in the days before and after the race.  And one even was being downright flirtatious.  (Too bad she wasn't my type.)

Now don't get me wrong, it was a pleasant surprise and all.....but all I could think was, "Why are you girls suddenly so nice because I decided to sweat and perspire and grunt like a pig and overall just torture my body??" 

But when God gives you these rare opportunities to show your stuff....you should really show your appreciation to Him for it.  It's like being a tennis player with a KILLER forehand but no backhand...yet your opponent in the championship match always hits the ball to your forehand.  I mean, no, the contest wasn't a who-can-bang-Pamela Anderson-the-most contest....but it was a time where God took one of my few areas of strength.....and allowed me to excel.

Yeah, yeah, so moral lesson learned.....the strangest things excite girls sometimes.  They are some WEIRD creatures, girls.

But next time, I'd prefer a Who-Can-Bang-Pamela-Anderson-the-Most Contest.

"Is It Finally Over - Has Generation X Lost Its Immaturity (and Its Innocence)?"

Last night at 11 pm, I got my pound of ground beef that I had pan-fried and my bottle of red wine and proceeded to consume it, when I turned on the TV and saw that Before Sunrise was showing.

Now watching Before Sunrise (or its sequel, Before Sunset which came out nine years later) while drinking red wine is an old passion of mine....and always reminds me of HER (the one living in Korea).....and it's very painful and poignant.  I exaggerate not one bit, but those two movies are THE ACTUAL STORY OF HER AND ME.

But this time around, while I was still transfixed as I always am whenever I watch either movie.....I didn't feel the same magic.

Maybe it was like watching the 1994 movie, Reality Bites (also with Ethan Hawke):  Whereas it once resonated so much with me, now I don't quite get it (talking about Reality Bites specifically).  I am telling you that when I watched in on VCR back in 1995 with my Taiwanese girlfriend, I SOOOOOO got it when Ethan Hawke's character refused to get a job and "sell out."  But when I recently watched it with some friends from church....I just felt like screaming at the screen, "Get a job, you bum!"

And even though I think the movies Before Sunrise and and Before Sunset are in a class well above Reality Bites....maybe I am reacting in a similar way to those movies that I did with Reality; maybe I just don't get what it's like to be that young, naive, full of wonder at life, and in love the way I used to do.

And maybe that is what is finally allowing me to let HER go....forever....

And finally proceed with the present and the future without being a prisoner of the past.

If people are idiotic enough to vote for the deceiving, lying Hillary over Barack.......

then they're all invited to President John McCain's inauguration.

Okay, it is a very stressful time in my life.  A very stressful time.  I lean totally on God during this very difficult time.

Simple things to take care of on my end in the short term to clear my head....hm.  First things first:

1.  <Someone on xang>.....you're about to be booted off the subscription list. BOOT!

2.  Gotta help out with the food and snacks tonight for our Bible Study.

3.  Gotta finish this report for work NOW.

4.  But first, gotta go to the bathroom because I have to p*ss like a racehorse.

Regarding the issue in the previous post, I guess it kind of got resolved.....for now.

I pray that God will be with me as I, for ONCE in my life, attempt with everything in my human power, along with His support, to live as He would want me to live.  No more hypocritical living if I can help it.

There is this guy in my small group who wants me to take a creative writing class with him at the local community college this summer.  Hm....good idea?  I just don't think the teacher has ever seen anything quite like MY stories, haha!

             "Another Moral Dilemma for BFK"

Say that a girl (we'll call her Psycho Girl) who lives far away from northern Virginia - she actually lives in a city that has no Koreans - sometimes attends your church because she is friends with one of the girls there.  Say that you and the Psycho Girl talked for a bit.....and say she sticks a knife in your back and you don't know why.  Say it was totally uncalled for and made no logical sense at all.

Then say her female friend at your church LOVES to play matchmaker all the time.  Say her friend tries to set up Psycho Girl with one of your closer male friends and confidantes at the church (and the church's most eligible bachelor).  Say that you figure out that Pyscho Girl likes your friend for marriage purposes.  The question is, does your friend feel the same way about her?  The answer COULD be yes.

Say that Psycho Girl has driven several hours to come to northern Virginia this past weekend (because she was in town to meet the church's Most Eligible Bachelor in a group gathering Saturday night per the machinations of her friend, the busybody matchmaker).  On Sunday morning, she visits your church and gives off clear body language that she wants there to be peace with you...only you won't give her the opportunity to speak with you because you are still understandably irritated by that past backstabbing that really crossed the line.  Say also that you figure she is likely wanting to be conciliatory and apologetic to you, not only because she knows that she was in the wrong...but that you, alias BFK, are now in the awkward, but somewhat satisfying, position of being able to tell your friend, the Most Eligible Bachelor, about the backstabbing and thus ruin her chance at future happiness.  Everyone knows that every Korean-American knows every other Korean-American living in the same geographic area....but she likely did not imagine, due to the fact that she lives so far away from the northern VA. area in an area with almost no Koreans, that in such a large church that the guy known as BFK and the guy known as the church's Most Eligible Bachelor were good friends and confidants.

Say that now the guy known as BFK has a decision to make:  Should he tell his friend about the previous backstabbing by the Psycho Girl?  He knows that his good friend, the church's Most Eligible Bachelor, could very well otherwise end up married to the Psycho Girl (who really isn't that bad a girl, despite her flaws like the occasional backstab which is SOOOOO unnecessary).  He knows that both he AND she are good Christian, conservative folk....except for her onetime snobby backstabbing of the guy known as BFK.  And he knows that if he told his friend everything about the previous backstabbing drama involving the Psycho Girl that the church's Most Eligible Bachelor likely would keep a distance from Psycho Girl since they have only just recently gotten acquainted.

But would the guy known as BFK be sharing this information with the church's Most Eligible Bachelor because he cares about his friend?  or would he do it because he is still p*ssed with the Psycho Girl?  And is he better off NOT saying anything to his friend about it?

That is the moral dilemma that must be decided by this coming Wednesday when the BFK and his friend, the church's Most Eligible Bachelor, meet.

But also noteworthy about this story is the moral lesson taught:  What goes around comes around.  Be careful who you backstab because later they are either in a position to help you....or hurt you.

Okay, the boomers (those born between 1946-1964) had their hurrah.  And even though the Generation Y-ers (those born between 1976-1986, though some say the range is 1980-1986) are aging themselves, I declare this upcoming summer of 2008 to be......

                                   "The Summer of Generation X"

Were you born between, and including, the years 1965 and 1975 (though some say 1980)?  Then you are a Generation X-er.  I won't go into all the stuff from VH1's "I love the 80s" to overnostalgicize our childhood, like the Rubik's Cube, the Trapper Keeper notebook, or the Atari Video Game System.  No, this is essay is more about the here and now.

I have one or two friends from high school coming to DC - separately, and we may hang out together.  Both are married and have children.  Both seem to sort of envy me and my lifestyle (they know I meet a lot of women and keep myself fit by running a lot, unlike most of my classmates with 40" waists and bald heads).  Needless to say, I envy them for the some of the things I do not have.

So we'll hang.

There will be a lot of talking.  A lot of reminiscing.  And a lot of......good times!

I guess we'll be living life like the so-called Frat Pack.  You know, Jack Black, Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and brothers Luke Wilson and Owen Wilson, and Steve Carell who are always playing aging Generation X-er men who party like they're in college and who hook up with young girls in their early twenties.  It's the ultimate fantasy of BFK!

Throw in a little bit of Ferris Bueller's Day Off mentality of "Life moves pretty fast; you don't stop and look around once in a while it could pass you by" to guide us.....

Fueled by some music from the Go-Gos, Simple Minds, and Run-DMC.....

Factor in a little soon-to-be mid-life crisis.....

and watch the fireworks!

I just wonder if this summer will be any different from any of the other summers and if it's worth going all out like that.  It would be nice to have a happy end for once.

                      "Resolution of Previous Angry Entry"

             Rosie:  "She was never a friend to start with"

             BFK:   "?? "

             Rosie:  "because if she was....she woulda been there for u"

             BFK:  "but does it sound like I got seriously let down?"

             Rosie:   "yep.  i wouldn't even acknowledge her anymore"

             Rosie (regarding one of the several reasons why I got pissed with this former friend):  "tell her how illogical it is that she goes to someone else's [event] which is minutes from yours yet tells you that it's too far for her to go to yours.  It's just flippant of her to say that she'd go with you, then do a "no show" but then go to another outing with someone else within the same vicinity.  Anyway.  Whatever let her go on with her life.  If she didn't want to go, she should have been straightforward and told you instead of giving you false hope that she would be attending the function with you.  Don't say you're going to do something and not do it."

Agreed, Rosie.  Agreed.

Feeling a LOT better now.