October 5, 2005

  •                           "Cheating - Korean-American Style"

    This was a from phone conversation from last night.


    Girl:  Oppa, how long did your last relationship last?


    Me:  A fews weeks, if you want to count it as a relationship.


    Girl:  Why so short?


    Me:  The girl was preparing to move somewhere else for grad school.  (see Mar. 24 and March 28, 2005 entries)


    Girl:  How old was she?


    Me:  Around 24, I think (meaning College Senior Girl, who was quite old for a college student).


    Girl:  You like them young, don't you oppa? (laughing)


    Me:  Huh?  She wasn't THAT young.  How about you?  How long was yours?


    Girl:  I dated a guy for four years.  We broke up over a year ago. 


    Me:  Let me ask you a personal question.


    Girl:  Okay.


    Me:  Don't ask me why, but anytime I talk with a Korean-American girl who was in a serious relationship for more than a few months, I find out the reason it ended is because the guy cheated on her.


    (Girl gives soft, sad laugh)


    Me:  I mean, I hear this CONSISTENTLY from Korean-American girls.


    Girl:  We dated for over four years.  I'm over it now.  It still sucks to remember it, oppa.  It wasn't the reason we broke up; I found out about it AFTER we broke up.  But it hurt.


    Me:  Yeah, I hear about this all the time from Korean-American girls.


     


    I am not going to compare Korean-Americans (NOT native Koreans, who are nowhere near as bad) with other ethnicities in the US right now, but let me just say that the behavior patterns between my ethnic group and certain other ones in this country are astounding:  Our group has deeply religious, hot-tempered guys plagued by guilt due to religion who love alcohol and partying and fisticuffs.  The girls in our group tend to be either bar-hopping girls who down gargantuan amounts of alcohol when going out and cuss worse than sailors, or extremely religious girls who go to church regularly and pray like there's no tomorrow while at the same time turning off Korean-American guys with their cold personalities and naive view of the facts of life and then getting angry that guys avoid them like the plague.  A THIRD category would be unattractive hypocritical girls (who THINK they look good) at church with no manners and with lines under their eyes who go around saying "Amazing Grace" on other people's pages, but I digress once more....


    The one other similarity I see between Korean-Americans (again, NOT native Koreans even though some do it as well) and certain other ethnicities within the US is a penchant for cheating.


    I am still relatively new to northern VA.  As you all know, I think the whole region is just filled with stupid drama, at least compared to my home state of NC.  Almost EVERY reasonably attractive K-A girl in this area with whom I have communicated directly had a guy cheat on her.  WTF?????


    I have a theory as to why this is so.  Korean-American girls are most attracted to guys who are confident and just want to be friends with a girl at first.  And girls tend to want to drift toward a relationship at a slower rate than guys do.  Guys want it right then and there.  The ONLY Korean-American guys who really like a girl (in THAT sense of the word) but will not make any moves on her are guys who are already in a relationship with another girl or those who are POTENTIALLY going to be in a relationship with another girl.  No WONDER the chicks become attracted to guys who already have gfs!  Then as time wears on, the two (if they have no sense of what is right) give in to temptation.  Cheating has occurred.


    I have a few married female friends.  We are ABSOLUTELY comfortable with each other, some even having asked me if I would ask them out if they were single (to which I said yes, though I don't know if that's true).  One woman recently offered to walk me to my car after a party ended at her place in DC (to the apparent chagrin of her husband, based on the look on his face).  The reason we are so comfortable with each other is because we both know nothing is going to happen.  But let's say I had less morals than I do now and that she did as well.  Well, if that were the case and if enough time had passed and if her relationship with her husband was on the rocks, then who knows....  (Just want to clarify that this is entirely hypothetical; I would never EVER fool around with a married woman.)


    A guy can be much more cool, casual, and attractive to women.....if he had a gf or had his mind on another girl.  Sad, isn't it?  He is safe and distant and thus the girl is more comfortable with him.  Her comfort with him leads her to eventually feel attraction to him, and if she keeps showing it, he just might feel it for her as well.  If the two are not the most moral (or they are just confused), sh*t WILL happen.


    Then there are just the total Korean-American jerks who cheat on their girlfriends....because they CAN.  Power trip.


    I just know that for as long as I live in this area, I will continue to hear from the younger K-A girls that they are still wary of guys because an ex-boyfriend cheated on them.  How sad.  Then BECAUSE of this wariness, they will unintentionally end up with another jerk.