January 23, 2008

• Updates: 

  Even though I am not really allowed to talk about her, let me just say that the girl is cooler than I could have ever thought.  And that's all I can say right now.  Despite all the lies and backstabbing and such that goes at a Korean-American church, she knows how to stick by her principles....a diamond in the rough.  What a girl!

  Okay, it's official.  I am now g*y, since I do this whole Facebook thing.  I can't believe that people take this thing so seriously!  Meanwhile, I shall wage a one-man battle to ensure the survival of Xanga because....I AM THE BFK!  So on to today's topic:

  "The Moral Complexities of Breaking Up Due to Cheating"

  Back in grad school, I had this one classmate with whom I was talking as I was getting over a recent break-up with my girlfriend.  My classmate was telling me that about his own break-up a few years back.

  It seems his girlfriend had cheated on him with another dude.  I don't know to what extent, but with cheating, I assume there was penetration involved.  So, in a fit of justified anger, my classmate broke up with his girlfriend, and despite her attempts to talk again later and reconcile, he refused to have anything to do with her.

  Now.....my classmate had left off certain details when he broke up with his girlfriend. 

  #1) He had already been thinking about breaking it off with the girl for sometime....although he never shared this thinking with his girlfriend.  So when he found out she had cheated, he had a legitimate reason to end it with her - basically an easy way out - and he used it to his advantage.  Never ONCE did he mention that he had already been thinking about it for a while.  So he basically let her think that it was her cheating that got him to end the relationship.

  #2) My classmate was also guilty of cheating on his girlfriend.....just PRIOR to her cheating on him.  And yes, I'm sure that that meant there was plenty of penetration as well as lots of oral stuff.  But he also kept this from his girlfriend as he angrily broke it off with her for HER cheating.

  Now here's the moral stickiness, as far as my thinking goes:  Yes, my classmate was angry that his girlfriend let some other guy's c*ck go inside of her, and I would have been angry about that, too, if I had been in his shoes.  But my classmate was already thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend, long before she cheated on him.  And this dude had cheated on his girlfriend BEFORE she cheated on him.   

  So did he cross some sort of moral line by breaking it off with his girlfriend.....and letting her think that it was all her fault because of her having cheated that one time?  He basically denied her the complete truth.....that he was likely gonna end the relationship anyway, with or without her cheating, and that he had also been scum by sticking his OWN c*ck into another girl.  This kind of information might have made the girl feel a little better about the break-up. 

  But no, the guy kept it all to himself, and got exactly what he wanted; he got some *ss from another girl and his girlfriend never found out....he got a legitimate (and understandable) reason for breaking up with the girl, which he used to his advantage to do that which he had already wanted to do anyway.....and he was able to put the blame for the break-up all on his gf.

  Hell, if this had been me, I would have told the girl, "Look I wanna break-up.  You cheated on me, but I've always considered you to be a pain in the *ss anway.  And you should also know....I banged another chick, too.  And it was good!!!!"  But this guy chose instead to play the wronged victim and put all responsiblity on the girl by not being more forthcoming with the truth.  Was this good revenge?  or did it make him appear pathetic that he was so wronged while he played the innocent role?  and did the fact that the girl lost a relationship under the assumption that it was all HER fault....scar her for life?  And was this a bad thing?

  Life is funny and complex, and I hope to learn something from this incident to help me with present and future circumstances.  But I don't know what moral lesson to draw from this.....other than to not cheat.  Anything else?  Always tell the whole truth?

  • 12:48 pm
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