March 22, 2006

• Well, looks like LA in June, not March, is what's happening.  So be it.  Anyway, on to today's entry.

  
  

                                     "Family Background - How Important Is It?"

  
  

  I talk to younger people, particularly at church, who have little or no dating experience, and I hear the same ol' crap that they're gonna end up with someone who they love.  That's it.  That's their only criteria.

  
  

  Let me say this now: That is a bunch of crap.  Love (and who knows what the hell "love" is) is not enough reason to live with/marry someone.  Some people mistake lust for l*ve.  A lot of chicks mistake a guy's dependability for l*ve.  Some mistake a person's love-making performance for love.  Some mistake flowers for love.  Heck, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about 'cause I don't know what the hell l*ve is and I ain't married.

  
  

  But I do know that the "other" factors matter in the decision-making process of ending up with someone.  There's the person's job, the person's salary, education level ('cause you don't want to talk about clubbing and movies EVERY night with your s.o. and sometimes might want to discuss things like economics, history, politics, and science).  And then perhaps most importantly, there's the person's family.

  
  

  I look at a chick's family to see what kind of person she is....and will be.  She could be a total "bad" girl....but if I know her family is loving and stable, then I know she's got hope.  Even that f*cker, George W. Bush, who partied like there was no tomorrow, turned his life around, in part because of his family upbringing (doesn't change the fact that he's still an idiot).

  
  

  Things to look out for when eying a chick: 

  
  

  1.  Her Parents Divorced or Separated.  If her parents are divorced, avoid her like the plague!  I don't care HOW hot she is or how kind and loving she may be 'cause a lot of times there will be instability, caused by insecurity, in the future.  History does tend to repeat itself a lot (not always).  Why take the chance?

  
  

  2.  Bad Genes.  If the girl has some sorta ailment that could be passed on to my kids, I'm also gonna avoid her.  Let's say cancer or dementia at a young age or even baldness was in her family genes.  Why the hell would I want my future kids to have any of these things????  How would I explain it to them later?  "Well, son, you've inherited this fatal ailment because of your mother's family; but I couldn't help but marry her because I just 'fell in love' with her" or "sorry about your badly receding hairline there, son - and you being only 21 - but that's your mother's doing; in MY side of the family we all have our hair."

  
  

  3.  Does Not Value Education.  If the chick didn't do sh*t at school but party while taking art & sculpture or home economic classes, I gotta wonder what her folks were thinking.  When growing up, if she always got a kindly "try harder next time", along with a Prada purse, from her parents after she brings home a D in algebra, I know that our kids are gonna be in trouble when it's THEIR turn.  Being loving and encouraging is a must for a parent....but that kid had better be freakin' serious about studying after bringing home a D in algebra!!! (or for that matter, a C or B.)

  
  

  4.  Abusive behavior in the S.O.'s family.  There's not much of a chance of a guy getting physically abused by a chick (unless her name is Lorena Bobbit), so this applies more to chicks than to guys.  Girls may not always see how a guy really is just by going out with him for several months.  I hear sh*t like how after a marriage the guy will be all abusive to his wife.  There were no indications that he was going to be this way (or were there???).  Well, when I hear about guys who are abusive as hell and then learn about the guy's family more, I see that something happened in the previous generation:  Either his father was the same way to his mother.....or there was no father or mother figure around.  Kinda sad sh*t....for the girl; I don't have much sympathy for the guy despite the fact that a lot of this can be traced to his youth.

  
  

  5.  Overall Sense of Instability.  I dated this one Taiwanese girl in grad school.  Her family was rich as sh*t, like a minor version of the chaebol in Korea.  But it was also one screwed up family with lots of back-stabbing and hustling for money.

  
  

  This girl used to be jealous of my relationship with my family.  Once, I told the girl how, during Thanksgiving vacation, I drove to see my parents in NC.  As I got out of the car, my mother opened the door and came outside.  She said, "<My name>...what took you so long?!"  I was coming up the steps to her now to meet her, and she put her arms around me. "Mmmmm??"

  
  

  The Taiwanese girl looked to me like she was gonna cry and said with some anger, "Don't ever say that to me again!"  Yep, there were issues with her at home.

  
  

  I won't elaborate, but this girl used to drive me crazy with her instability.  I realized it had to something do with her family upbringing and her relationship with her siblings, her rich but disturbed father, her deceased mother, and her father's mistress and THEIR kids.  Looking back at her AND her family background now, I say, never again.

  • 11:28 am
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