"At What Point Are You Allowed to See Other People?"

First of all, let me say that yes, you could be dating a slut who believes in an open relationship, in which case anything goes and you can bang someone else all you want.

But assume you are in a relationship with someone of high morals and a strong sense of commitment who believes in dating only one person.  At what point in your relationship with that person are you still allowed to "see" other people?  Let's look at the various levels:

Level 10:  You are married to her.  Basically you'd be cheating on your wife.  Is it okay to see another girl?

Level 9:  You are lovers with her.  Basically you're banging her while not married to her.  Is it okay to see another girl?

Level 8:  You are dating her but haven't slept with her but are in a committed relationship with her, which entails a lot of kissing....but no banging.  Is it okay to see another girl?

Level 7:  You have gone out with her for a few dinner dates.  And things must have gone okay (even though there was no physical contact) because you met her more than once.  Is it okay to see another girl?

Level 6:  You have gone out with her for ONE dinner date.  And things seem okay even though you (and she) have your guard up.  Is it okay to see another girl?

Level 5:  You and the girl know you like her and that she likes you....but you haven't gone out yet.  Is it okay to see another girl?

Level 4:  You like the girl but you DON'T know if she likes you.  Is it okay to see another girl?

Level 3.  You like the girl, but she says she just wants to be friends with you.  Is it okay to see another girl?  This would seem simple enough, but what I have learned is that if you quickly move onto another girl, the original girl (if she's a conservative Korean-American church-goer) usually gets upset.  Don't ask me why.

Level 2.  You're not dating her at all, but a common friend (usually female) says to you, "What do you think of her?"  That usually means the girl got her friend to ask you.  Is it okay to see another girl?

Level 1.  The two of you locked eyes and felt that special something.  But that's it.  Is it okay to see another girl?

Okay, is a guy in any of these situations allowed to see other girls?  And if so, where do you draw the line?  At what level?  I personally draw the line at somewhere between Levels 7 and 8.

  "Would You Marry a Catholic if you were Protestant (or vice-versa)??"

This is the growing dilemma among many of today's Korean-Americans....deciding whether to marry someone of a different faith.

But IS it a different faith?  Catholics are worshipping the same God and same Son of God as Protestants.  Right?

So while I was making out with Ms. Virgin on Saturday night, she asked me if I had any problems or concerns with her.

I said to her, "As long as you cook well, let me have my way with you every night in bed, at least five times a night, and you become Protestant, there should be no problems."  Then I proceeded to kiss her some more.

She pulled away with a concerned look on her face.  "Can't you go to your church and I go to mine?"

"Naw, baby," I said.  "You HAVE TO become Protestant.  No two ways about it.  And then we have to make love a LOT every night."  I then pulled her to me to continue kissing her.

She pulled away again and said, "I don't mind the second part.  But why are you so strict about the religion thing?"

"Look," I said, as we peered into each other's faces, "those other guys that liked you - were they all Catholic?"

"Yes.  Either that or they were willing to convert for me."

"Well, MY girl has to be Protestant.  Okay?"  Then I pulled her to me and began some heavy making out.  I am very good at distracting a girl with a deep kiss.

A good ten minutes or so later, we parted lips again.

"So I'll set up the classes at my church as soon as possible and you can convert, okay?" I said.  I was kind of needling her.

"Are you trying to scare me?" she said, staring at me.  She never knows when I'm kidding or not.

"No!  Of course not."  But maybe I actually was.  Maybe I needed an excuse so that I could have more time to think things over if I should continue to see her or not.

But there was no denying that if things proceeded the way they were, that both of our faiths would be a matter of great significance down the road.

Is religion or HOW you worship God a factor in deciding who you date or who you marry?

The eternal question:  When things seem to be going smoothly with a girl.....do you continue seeing her?  or end it?

And what if the girl is already considering marriage?

Sigh, why do people have to be so stupid?  Church politics is, in many ways, just as bad as what goes on in HBO's The Sopranos.  Minus the killing, of course.

                      "The Break-Up"

In large part because of the words of represent99, a guy I haven't even met in person, tonight I did the right thing....and broke a girl's heart.

And for your information, everyone of you, my readers, I never once made love with the girl I met at Tysons Corner mall.  Not once.  Yes, we slept in her bed together twice, but I never once did it with her, the first time it being her choice, and the second time, on Valentine's Day, when she was inebriated (and touching my face), it being my choice.

I can, with a clear conscience, go to bed tonight and sleep without any sense of guilt.

But it still hurts that I hurt such a good girl.....

Reporter in the early 1960s:  What do you like about the Rolling Stones?

Young fan:  I think the Rolling Stones have a lot more sex appeal than the Beatles.  They're so UGLY that they're appealing."

"The Advantages of Playing Second Fiddle"

I prefer to play second fiddle and not be in the limelight when it comes to social interactions with the opposite gender.

Some might call it an imitation game of the person playing first fiddle.  Take my favorite band, the Rolling Stones.  They tried to claim the title of the World's Greatest Rock 'N' Roll Band but during their first two decades of existence (their only good period), they were nothing more than imitators of other bands.  Granted, they did their own kind of music with their own kind of style, but the fact remains that they were doing some heavy imitating.  In the 1960s, they presented themselves to the world as the bad-boy alternatives to the Beatles.  After the blues and early rock 'n' roll stuff of the early sixties, they began releasing pop music that was a direct imitation of the #1 band at that time, namely John, Paul, George, and Ringo.  In the 1970s, after the Beatles had broken up, they imitated everyone from the punk rockers to the glam rockers (like David Bowie) but by the end of the decade they were mainly imitating the Bee Gees.....and their results proved to be very successful for them.  All by playing second fiddle and imitating others.

But I personally don't view playing the Second Fiddle Game as imitation.  It's just me being myself....only I avoid the limelight of head honcho....or alpha-male....or more eligible bachelor...or whatever.

When in a crowd of single folk, I don't want to be viewed as the most eligible bachelor.  If anything, I almost want to appear as either a very masculine eunuch....or even g*y so as to not appear to be hitting on the women.  Why so?  Well, this is in large part because unless he's one of the Beatles, the mania for the world's most eligible bachelor gets old eventually.  Soon, his imperfections come out more....plus, he's just not as exciting as he once was - no one with hype ever is.  This is not a reflection on him so much as it is on the fact that ANY kind of fad gets old after a while. 

Fads:  I remember in the early 1980s when girls were going ga-ga over Duran Duran.  Now?  They're an 80s nostalgia band.  I remember a boy band that the girls were screaming over called New Kids on the Block (whose music sucked, btw) in the late 1980s into the early 1990s.  They disappeared within three years.  (And they were never good anyway!!!!)  I remember when the TV show, Beverly Hills 90210, was so popular in the early 1990s and the actors Luke Perry and Jason Priestley ruled the hearts and hormones of every girl in America.  But where are they now?  No one knows.  I remember in the late 1990s when James van der Beek and Joshua Jackson of the TV show, Dawsons Creek were the craze.  Who gives a sh*t about them now?  No one.  I remember how women were salivating over David Duchovny in the mid-1990s at the peak of his TV show, "The X-Files."  You notice we don't hear of Duchovny anymore?  I remember 2003 when there was a stupid phenomenon called Bennifer (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez).  Well, you KNOW what happened to that.  The same thing is gonna happen to Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton and Justin Timberlake (who are boring right now, much less in the future).

The point being is that everything that's the current hot thing gets old eventually.  And if you're not the hottest thing around but are instead playing second fiddle....be patient because you will be....because you are the alternative that they eventually WILL consider.  And unlike the First Fiddle dude, when you play Second Fiddle there won't as far - or fast - a fall from your pinnacle....because you've already been their friend but revealed only a little of yourself at a time. Meanwhile, they know everything they could want to know about Mr. First Fiddle.

And that is the advantage of playing second or third fiddle when in a group of guys and girls.  It sooooo pays.  'Cause if I can't be the Beatles.....I'd like to be the Rolling Stones.  If I can't be Frank Sinatra.....I'd like to be Dean Martin.  So I tell you now, while in that Second Fiddle or Third Fiddle category....revel in it! You are an alternative that will be considered once First Fiddle no longer is the "in" thing.

P.S. It also helps if you're busy dating other people.  Somehow that adds to your appeal within a group of single women, even if they don't know you're seeing other girls.  But even though they may not know you're seeing dating other girls, they can FEEL it, they can SENSE it.  And even though they swear up and down that they don't like players.....deep down, they really do.

PPS. The virgin girl I've been sort of seeing just said to me on the phone today, "You are usually so cold to me.  I've never been treated like that by any guy before.  And yet....I tolerate it."  Every guy she dated prior to me treated her like a queen and like she was the only one for him.  And she eventually dumped each one.  Meanwhile, she says I'm not so nice to her and constantly insinuates that I am seeing other girls.  As a result, she sometimes acts irritated and frustrated with me.  But she still sees me.

Proof that a man can become whatever he wants to be.....and do it his way:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,823900,00.html

Man, I also wish I could just do what I wanted to do, make millions of dollars in the process, and make the whole world meet my demands on my terms.....or else.  But is that just a fantasy that one man achieved?

One thing is for sure:  We'll never see another guy like this again.

             "Being Cool"

Being cool......is when you just don't give a f*ck what others think - but at least have some style about it.  Meet the King of Cool:

                            "First Fight with a Girl"

My V-day was a repeat of what happened on the 13th (as recorded in my previous entry).  Only this time I spent a lot more money.

Seeing two different girls, especially within a few minutes of each other, is VERY draining.  But I think I will be able to stop seeing one of them as she is seriously proving to be very high-maintenance.

I just talked to her and upset her.

"Look," I said on my phone, "last night, when I said I didn't want you to touch my face (she has this habit of rubbing and stroking my face while I sleep) THREE different times, you never listened.  So I finally had to tell you to stop again, and all you could say was, 'Hwa-ga-nah-suh?' ('Are you angry?') over and over again.  I mean, rather than worry about how tired I was (she knows I'm really stressed and tired these days), you only worried about your hurt feelings."

She was silent for a long time.  Then she spoke and said, "But, you could have said it more nicely."

"I told you three or four different times not to stroke my face while I slept!  But you didn't listen.  So when you did it again and woke me up again, what did you EXPECT me to say?  Did you expect me to be pleasant???  And after waking me up again and me telling you not to be touching my face while I slept, all you could say was 'Hwa-ga-nah-suh?' 'Hwa-ga-nah-suh?'  I know your feelings are important, too, but you KNOW I haven't been getting much sleep with all the stess at work."

She was silent.

"I mean, is that all you cared about?" I continued.  "You say you were worried about me this morning because I looked so tired...but it was you who kept waking me up in the night by stroking my face even though I told you not to do it....and when I finally had to speak louder for you not to touch me on the face while I was asleep, you kept me up even longer just to ask me over and over if I was angry because of the way I spoke."

She was silent still and then she finally spoke up: "So you are angry now?"

"No, not angry," I said softly.  "Just disappointed.  You were more worried about your hurt feelings than you were about me and my health (which has been getting steadily worse) and what's going on at my work."

"No, no...it's not that..." she tried to say.  Then almost breaking into tears, she said, "Ever since we met, I didn't have much confidence in our relationship.  I don't feel strongly that it would last.  But I liked you......"  Keep in mind, she had had two engagements prior to meeting me.

"Hey, I have to get back to work," I said, trying to be softer.  "My boss is waiting."

The phone went dead.

I called back right away.  "Why did you just hang up?"

She was quiet for a minute.  Then she said in Korean, "I feel awful now!"  And then she sobbed.

I mumbled an apology.  But then I told her I did have to go and promised I would call her later. So we said good-bye and hung up.

I'm still pretty freakin' angry right now about being woken up constantly last night with all the stroking of my face....and that the girl was just upset by the fact that I was getting irritable and NOT by the fact that I feel like absolute sh*t because I didn't get much sleep last night BECAUSE SHE KEPT WAKING MY *SS UP.  But I also feel bad for the girl.

Perhaps it's time to call it quits with this one.  I don't think I can handle much more of this.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

Yes, I am still seeing two girls.  Stupidly, I squeezed them both into last night.  Met the virgin girl for dinner (and lots and lots of beers).  Met the other girl five minutes afterwards totally buzzed and slept at her place, IN HER BED WITH HER (but no, no sex).  Still don't know how I made it to work, as I am TIRED.

Well this being V-day I feel like it's confession time.  Among my many subscribers on xanga, there are those girls I've secretly wanted to date.  First off, there is M.......

Oh never mind.  But four come to mind.  Their locations range from LA to Chicago to NY to DC.  Their occupations range from education to accounting to jewelry to medicine.  But I also respect them a lot and like them as friends, so I really shouldn't be thinking of them in such a way.  But DAMN they are hot!

On another note......

The girl at whose place I crashed last night was feeling up my arms and shoulders and said I needed more muscle.  She said I looked weak.  So guess what I'm gonna be doing at the gym today prior to running?  Sigh.  I hate lifting weights so.  Anyways....

Have a great Valentine's Day, everyone!!!!!