"And with ten seconds left in regulation with NC State down by seven points to Pepperdine, Jim Valvano orders his team to foul......"
-  From the first round of the famous 1983 NCAA basketball tournament that unranked NC State University went on to win.

"I just got one last thing, I urge all of you, all of you, to enjoy your life, the precious moments you have. To spend each day with some laughter and some thought, to get your emotions going."
-  Jim Valvano speaking at the ESPY Awards two months before he died of cancer.....and ten years almost to the day after he achieved his dream and won the NCAA basketball tournament at NC State University

    BFK's Upcoming Trip:  Sir Gawaine Meets Hunter Thompson

So this is the tentative plan for Sunday and Monday, Martin Luther King Day, a federal holiday:

I and my trusty squire will go down south to the Celestial City to achieve our quest.  The quest is either 1) slaying the Green Knight and winning the hand of the lovely damsel, ala Sir Gawaine.....or 2) coming to terms with the failure of the American Dream while consuming every drug in my car, ala Hunter Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (but unlike Thompson, I only do the legal drug.....namely alcohol).  No, I am not quite like this guy:

But I still know how to have a good time and party it up on the road.   The car will be loaded with bottles of Jack Daniels....and a case of beer.

Then while touring all the great sites of southern Virginia, I will see HER again and find out if she is worth the hassle.  You see, it isn't all just her decision, this thing of ours; it's also mine.  And I have to find out......is she worth it?

Meanwhile, my version of Dr. Gonzo (the friend in Thompson's Fear & Loathing who traveled with the main character and who, with him, took every drug available to them) and I will be seeing the southern part of the beautiful state of Virginia and getting the hell out of drama-laden northern Virginia.

Should be an interesting trip.    (Cue the music of Boston)

Post-entry note:  Why the references to Sir Gawaine and Hunter Thompson?  One is about the pursuit of a dream, or even fantasy, and achieving it.  The other is about coming to terms with the failure of a dream through a drug-induced journey....but ultimately knowing that it is the journey that is more important than the actual achievement of the dream.

Based on a conversation I had with a girl last night, I now offer......

A piece of advice to girls:  When a guy you are seeing (who is also banging you) says he needs time to himself or has to rethink the relationship........it's pretty much over.  You may THINK the two of you can "work it out", but it is OVER, FINITO, DONE.  At that point, you are doomed and are about to be in DUMP CITY like yesterday's trash.

Now I understand when a girl says it to a guy that she is not necessarily dumping the guy; no, oftentimes when a girl says to a guy with whom she is in a relationship that she needs more space or time to herself, she really means it....and doesn't want to break it off with the guy.  (Then again, sometimes she does.)  Guys who have half a brain will thus give the girl her space (basically, a form of "hawking").....and if they don't talk for a while, more times than not, Ms. Hawkie will be missing Mr. Falconer.

But if a GUY says to a girl he needs his space or needs time to rethink the relationship, you know it's over between them, sorry to say.  We guys need the instant gratification more, and we rarely need our "space" or whatever, unless we just can't STAND to be around the girl....in which case we are ready to dump the chick.  It doesn't take long for us guys to know if we want to be in a relationship with a chick or not.

So to one of the girls to whom I spoke last night.....sorry!  But it is OVER between you and your dude.  Get ready to be dumped! 

Gen X memories.....from when it was simple and naive:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUAVbGoR81I

                           "More on Non-Profits"

Hm.  Heard one of the non-profits speak recently at a church.  Their cause is good.  I do admire LiNK's cause.  And what they say about the plight in North Korea is true.  But beyond that?  I can't really say.

Alice, the head of the Eugene Bell Foundation was also there at the church.  Remember her?  She was the weird girl who wanted to cuddle up on a bench in DC and who was once very critical about LiNK until recently.  I wrote about her here.  And absolutely everything I wrote about her then was true. 

What do I think about LiNK now?  Like I said, I think their cause is very good - no one would say otherwise; the plight of the North Koreans is heartwrenching, truly.  And the head guy who did the presentation seems especially sincere.  But I do wonder about the organization's activities.  And I do wonder about its employees and if they'll be like all the people who I know who USED to work for non-profits for years.....and who ended up getting jaded and then leaving the non-profit without any skills and ended up living off their husband's (because these employees are mostly girls) income in their 30s because they didn't learn anything in terms of professional skills.  Seen it one too many times with women around MY age (the Gen X crowd), and I don't see it being any different for the Gen Y (and Z) crowd either.  And when I saw the young female employees who work there full-time (sometimes at no pay), I could already see it happening to them.  But then again, if LiNK doesn't help the North Korean refugees....who will????  The plight of the North Koreans is TERRIBLE!

I just don't know what to make of the organization.  And how does one help the poor people without sacrificing one's own career?  What I say sounds cold, but who out there is willing to give up your career to work for an organization that likely won't pay you ANY money but that supposedly supports a good cause?  I can't afford to do that.  Can you?  The only ones who can, apparently, are either the truly selfless people barely getting by financially....or the recent college grads living off mommy and daddy's money trying to "find themselves" until they either get a "real" job or go into graduate school.

One thing I DO know:  The entry here where I last wrote about LiNK in Sept. 2007 got a LOT of hits from people in Washington, DC.....a LOT of hits, even as recently as December.  (Hint to those folks: xanga has a tracer system that shows who is reading a post and where they are located...even if it's Georgetown University or whatever.)  I think a good many of you are working hard for a worthy cause but I do also anticipate the day that you get jaded and decide that making money will become more a priority in your own lives....because I saw it with the women in MY generation; they were once so on fire for their cause but then eventually cooled off when they realized that they wouldn't have money for themselves or their children....and they had no skills on which to fall back on and had to rely entirely on the hubby.  Now?  They wish they could be as on fire as they were in their 20s.....but without being naive enough to think they could live life without developing a skillset. 

But God bless you for your efforts.  Seriously.

(I'd better stop here because one of them gave me a dirty look today apparently because my previous entry about them DID get read.)

And now that I've said all that, let me add this:  Who CARES if I think the employees at this non-profit organization are throwing their professional careers away.  The important point is that they are part of a great cause and are doing something while people like me are working and living safely in America.  So the least I (and all of us) can do is make a small donation be it through a check or through buying a couple of LiNK t-shirts or whatever.  So come on folks, the cause is good.  Let's make our contributions!

"What is your dream?" I asked her last night.

"Mmm.  To fly up and touch the sky," she answered dreamily, albeit with tongue slightly in cheek. 

Does anyone understand the ending to this old children's fairy tale?  I have been so perplexed about it since I was a kid.  Those of you who have time, please read it and tell me what you think it means.

I used to pride myself on reading people accurately with just a first impression and through a little conversation.

Now, I find that SHE can do it about me....and so accurately.  And I find that unsettling.

But interesting.

Let the chess match continue!!!!!!

Lots of drama is going on in my life now (what else is new?), a lot of which I am not allowed to write about.  But things are going okay and are very....interesting.

Meanwhile, I am recovering from the second cold in a row I have had since late December.  Is it technically possible to catch another cold virus when you already HAVE a cold?  Apparently so.  I hope I don't catch f*cking pneumonia next.  Plus, my gut's coming out from the lack of exercise due to sickness and running injuries.  But I'll recover, damnit!

One of the next Bond girls, Olga Kurylenko.  Yes!

25 years later, it is still proof that faith in God, having a dream, and working hard to reach it results in a dream being achieved.

As for the girl, when she found out that I had a blog (not that she knows this link) and that I often write in it about the girls that I had dated, she asked me specifically not to write about her.  So I should stop here.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Late 20s.  Quite pretty without being overtly sexy.  Working as a team lead/manager for this one company.  Finishing her MBA also.  Plays music at her church.  But not naive about going out.  Speaks both Korean and English fluently.  Both fobby AND twinkie. 

But, like with everybody, there are issues, or at least past pain...only she won't talk about it.  As she sagely said last night after I asked her if she had a painful memory, "At our age, how can one have lived life WITHOUT some painful memory?"

But she is cool.

I don't know what to think right now.  After all, in 2007, I nearly got married to another girl (no joke) but never knew if it was the right thing and hence had cold feet and hence.....we didn't get married.

"Do you regret not having gone through it with her?" the new girl last night asked me.  "And are you okay with it now?"

I paused for a minute.  "I don't know.  And I don't think I ever will know for sure even if I am happily married to someone else."   More pause.  "There are right and wrong decisions....and then there are some decisions that are neither right nor wrong.....they're just decisions and it's up to YOU to make the best of them.  And even then, you don't know how you'll feel in a few years after making the decision and resolving to make the best of it....because the future is so unpredictable." <Cue the music, "Let Me Sing You a Waltz" by Julie Delpy>

"Hmm."

And we were silent, both still feeling each other out but both intrigued as well, not knowing what the future had in store.

I am trying to turn over a new leaf and be a good Christian.  But I bring up today's topic because I'm starting to get kind of serious with this one girl I met through church.  She was a one-time visitor but who knows quite a few people at my church, and even my closest friends at the church, who all know her, don't know that she and I have been talking...and we're not just thinking of watching movies together on a Friday night.  She's a nice, conservative girl who would make a good wife and mother.  But as I think about the future with any girl these days, not only do I have to think about how pretty she is or how kind she is or how spiritual she is or what kind of career she has or what kind of family background she has, etc., I have to think of one other aspect of a girl before I'll date.  I'm talking about......

           "How to Tell if a Girl Is Any Good At Banging.....Before Even Doing Her"

As you my long-time readers know, I've been with a LOT of girls over the years.  A LOT.  And I've learned something from EACH of the girls I've dated.

Most, if they were willing to drop their clothes and hop into bed with a guy, were more than eager to get it on.

Some were more eager than me to get it on.  They could have given a damn what kind of guy I was.....they just wanted to get it ON!

Some.....they had to really like me and know me before they would jump in the sack with me.

Some REALLY had to like me and know me before doing it.  Some even had to be in love (imagine that) with me.

Almost all of them, either with time or immediately, loved doing it in the sack.  I dated some girls who had had a previous lover, their ex-boyfriend, but who were still scared of the act of sex when they met me because of their past painful experiences (in both senses).  However, emotions and such and different methods I used on them got these girls to like sex even more than I did.  They were at first scared of it and reluctant participants in it.....and then becamse more obsessed with it than I was.  Heck, they used to wake ME up in the middle of the night to get it on again (after doing it umpteen times already that night).....and even I, the overly hot horndog, had to say no to them because I was too exhausted to get it on with them.  We're talking ME saying no to a girl, something I never thought I would ever do..

However, among the many girls I've dated, there were two girls who liked me enough that they let me do what I wanted with them....but who really didn't like the act of banging.  But the thing is.....even BEFORE I took them to bed, and even when I first MET them.....I already could tell that they would not be that "into" (no pun intended) sex.  They were kind of very skinny and not in the best of health.  But they did love me, and so they thought it was okay to do that which they weren't crazy about doing....all because they really cared about me. 

Did I care about them?  That doesn't really matter.....because guys are different.  We can do it with a hot girl we care about....AND we can do it with a hot girl we don't give a sh*t about.  Girls can't understand this, but guys can do it with almost any girl, as long as she's hot.  The sex can be done with girls with or without the caring, it doesn't matter.  Guys are just always up for it (no pun intended again), and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. 

But, if we're already getting it regularly from a girl....the relationship will eventually evolve to the point that the girl will become more and more attached to the guy while the guy's passion cools off for her...and he eventually looks for other options.  That is, unless he has scruples and morals which I am TRYING to develop now.

But one thing I did learn over my many years of seducing the weirder gender (both in Korea and in the US) was that I could just GLANCE at a girl the first time I meet her and tell at first sight if she's gonna be any good at doing the nasty in bed.  I don't care if she's a slut or the world's most devout Christian virgin....there are still signs as to how well they're gonna bang later, with their husband or boyfriend or whoever.

I've got good female friends, through church, through work, through community activities....even through XANGA, and at one glance at their faces (even just their pictures) I can tell if they're gonna be any good at it.  I've glanced at church choir girls who have never even KISSED a guy, but I can tell they're gonna be hell on wheels in bed with their husbands.  On the other hand, I've seen girls dressed up and posing like clubbers, trying to be all sexy and pseudo-slutty and everything, who you can just tell aren't too crazy about doing it with some dude....and likely who won't like it all that much once they're married either.

I've also made friends with quite a few girls, both online and offline, who have had limited experience with jumping into bed with a guy....but who didn't enjoy it...and who think they will NEVER enjoy it.  After glancing at the girls from head to toe, I had to (silently) agree with some of them....but with the others, I assured them that it would depend on the guy with whom they ended up dating/marrying.  Until they all find out, these reluctant girls will all think that they just weren't meant to do it.  That physically painful brief experience they had with some boy from the past (who likely didn't know what he was doing) will be all it takes to make the girl think that she will NEVER like sex.  But she can be so wrong.

Example.  Many of you people know the story of Hyundai Girl.  When I first met her, she was a short, sort of plump girl, who unknowingly exuded sex appeal.  I'm not normally into girls who aren't thin....but I have to admit, the sleepy, sexy look she had in her eyes was enough to make me just wanna take her right then and there.

Anyway, she and I dated, and before you know it, she was talking about "love" and such....things that scared me.  And then she confided that she had had one previous lover from her past.....a guy she didn't love but who she felt obligated (yeah, sounds sick) to do it with because he wanted it.  And then TWICE, they ended up doing it, both times it be extremely painful for her.  To her, the deed was a scary deed that was necessary to make babies once a girl was married.

She kind of still felt that way when she began dating me and I was my old horny self getting her into bed.  And then she would talk about the pain, even though she had wanted it.  But then soon enough, things started to change.......

She started to like doing it more than me!  To compare her to the Han River or the Potomac River would not do those bodies of water justice; she was more like the Pacific Ocean in bed.  I had to do laundry and wash the sheets everytime she left my apartment.

But the thing is.....even the first time I met her, I just KNEW it was gonna be like that.  I KNEW the potential was there.

Now......I'm in serious talks with this one girl.  Good Christian girl.  Very kind, considerate girl.  Very pretty girl.  Decent enough face and body.  She WILL make a good wife.  She WILL make a good mother.  She will be her husband's best friend.  She'll read the Bible with him and pray with him.  She'll be everything a Korean-American male could want.

BUT......

This particular Korean-American guy can't help but be a little concerned because his sharp eye and many years of experience dating the weirder gender has him wondering if this pretty, young, Christian, Korean-American girl of good character with the good career and solid family background that he is considering for long-term purposes....is gonna be any good in bed.

And I have thought about asking her about it, too.  Of course then she'll never want to talk to me again.  (And yes, this pretty Christian, Korean girl IS a virgin.)

But isn't it better to know before signing my life away?